It's been too long

I always find myself saying this, that it's been too long since I've posted here. But again, it does feel that way. I unfortunately have been allowing myself to become consumed in self loathing and self doubt. I feel like somewhere along the way my creativity has just been sucked out of me, drained out of me into the white oblivion that is now the winter wonderland outside my door.

I know, just what everyone wants to read about, another depressed writer whining about writer's block. I just feel like I want to scream, cry and punch a wall all at the same time. Everything that I'm working on creating right now seems like absolute rubbish to me, so much so that I fear showing it to anyone. I feel like I'm struggling to keep my mind afloat. I'm afraid that if I can't create even in my writing, then somehow I am not a whole person.

So it's been a while

So as the title notes, it's been a while since I've posted on here. I've been having some issues coming up in life. I give the greatest love though to all of my friends, who have been being as supportive as they can be during this time. This also extends to my fiancee, who has been everything I need right now to keep me sane.

On other notes, I'm going to also attempt to quit smoking. This aught to be an interesting journey for me. I'm nervous about this too, as cigarettes are something that I've always turned to in high stress times to calm me down. I've always joked that I've used nicotine as a self medication to deal with the depression that I suffer with. One would think that now would probably be the worse time for me to consider quitting, but I know it's something I need to do.

With all that is going on, I'm probably going to end up burying myself in my writing. Try to distract my mind. We'll see how this goes.

Yay I'm done.

So I finished this novella that I've been working on for the past few weeks. At least, the first draft of it. God what a great feeling that is. I've been working on a paranormal romance piece for a bit, a sort of introductory story to a more expansive set of stories. It's been a lot of fun, and a lot of face planting.

I really enjoy the characters so far, and look forward to continuing to write a more extensive novel featuring the two main characters. But for now, it just feels good to take a break from them. As most writers know though, being done with the first draft, doesn't mean that you're anywhere near done with the piece itself. Time to grab some of my trusty first hand readers, to help read through the story and aid me with some fresh eyes to the story. I find that getting my friends involved, not only helps keep me motivated, but with their fresh perspectives, it can often times help me look at things, that my otherwise emotionally invested self would miss.

Just a short post on this one.

Why do I write?

I think every writer, published or not gets asked this question. Why do you write? Especially when you're not published, and people often wonder why you spend hours clicking away at your keyboard, rambling to yourself about plots, and if you're like me, talking to people about your characters as if they are real people.

There are of course, scientific explanations. Right versus Left brained people, ideas of mental stability versus those who are firmly rooted in the mundane world. How crazy do you have to be after all to pursue a dream?

I find the personal explanations are much more important. Every writer out there has their own reasons. I write because I believe that there are stories in this world that are meant to be told. I write because I fear that if I were to deny the creativity within my mind, no matter what others think of it, that would be true madness. I write because writing gives me an outlet to feel emotions openly that would often times be hidden from the world. It's safer sometimes to allow a character to feel the pain and joy of the world and allow that release through them, especially the darker, uglier side of emotions. I write because I dream. I write because one day, when I have children, I want to be able to tell them that I followed my dream, no matter where it takes me. I write because I enjoy it, because nurturing a fresh new story idea makes me feel alive.

So why do you write? I'm interested to know. Please feel free to post a response.

Welcome Aboard

Well, this is my very first blog entry. I'm still working on trying to figure out what all kinds of gadgets and little add ons are going to be part of my blog. So don't be surprised if you see things change. Though, I anticipate for a while here, I'll probably just be talking to myself. That's alright, as I writer, I've gotten used to having conversations with myself.

If no one else reads this ever, at least this will make a good venting area for me to express my own frustrations about characters, plots and all the other little things that can drive me crazy. I hope though that others read this, especially other people who can relate to the creative process.

Currently, as far as writing projects go, I have a novella that I'm working on. I'm planning on it being a paranormal romance, and an introduction into what appears to be growing in my mind as a larger storyline. I've read numerous romance novels, as well as various paranormal stories and so I thought that combining the two genres would be a good niche for me to fall into. However, I've noticed a trend amongst several of the paranormal romance novels that I've read lately. Heroines that seem to be pretty but either dizzy or spineless, and heroes that are downright possessive and controlling. Have I been picking up the wrong books?

I seem concerned that this seems to be the normal approach to this, and when I address this concern to others, they seem to look at me like I'm crazy. I've been told things from that's how the world really is, to having too strong of a female is intimidating. While I don't consider myself to be a feminist by any means, and quite frankly I have a lot of what would be considered traditional ideas, I just don't understand why these female characters have to be portrayed in such a manner. Or that once they meet this dream man, their whole world seems to revolve around him. What's wrong with having a witty, intelligent female who is still a vulnerable person with possibly a life?

Also, the portrayal of the "super alpha male" persona bothers me. In a recent book that I read, every time the heroine came in contact with another male while her lover wasn't around, even if it was completely innocent, he would come back in the picture and start barking about her about how she smelled like another man. Perhaps I have a skewed perspective on this because the majority of my friends are male, so there would definitely be some issues between myself and my fiancee if he suddenly started complaining every time I was around another guy. Also, when the hero seems to constantly follow around the heroine without her knowing about it, and when she does find out, she thinks it's just swell that he's been keeping such a close eye on her. I believe most states have laws against stalking.

I understand from my own writing, that sometimes it can be difficult to portray some of these things. Trying to balance out having a stronger female character, without making the male seem effeminate, trying to reach a balance of communication without obsession, showing characters both being tough and compassionate. Any tips or suggestions from other writers on how to do this would of course be greatly appreciated. I understand that romance is suppose to be a fantasy relationship, but do other women really fantasize about the male in their life taking control of their existence? About being able to blindly throw themselves in harms way and just expecting them to save the day? Perhaps my greatest concern is the perception that this gives people for their own personal relationships. I know that if I ever expected my fiancee to live up to the expectations that I got out of some romance novels, our relationship would have been through ages ago. When a series of books goes on, featuring the same couple after a while, shouldn't it portray some of the more realistic aspects of the relationship as well? Then again, I suppose if we all just wanted to look at the realistic aspects of a relationship, we'd look at our own relationships, instead of loosing ourselves to the passion that these books portray.

Any questions, or comments, feel free to post responses. I would request of course that responses are done in a respectable manner.